I know a another post so soon may come as a shock to some because in the past I was not the greatest at remembering to post. Actually I am surprised that I am posting again so soon, as I have been forgetting tons of things recently. I have read that it has to do with the PTSD. In a way I find blogging therapeutic.
As I seat here and think of what has happened in my life. I am left worrying where am I going? What does the future hold for me?
I have feelings of quitting everything in my life and starting over. Getting rid of all the things that was once my life and starting a new life, one that I want and not one that I feel was picked for me.
Of course if I was to do such a thing I would never leave my babies, aka the dogs & cats, they are a part of me after all. I just don’t know where I am headed. Yes it scares me and in a small way begins me hope.
I think that sometimes I should look back at all the strength I had and draw from that, and my what doesn’t kill you make you stronger personally. But the hurt little girl in me is scared to get hurt again. I am not even sure what I am scared of hurting me. I know that my boyfriend supports me and loves me. He would never do to me what was once done to me. Maybe it is the feeling of being alone being on my own and feeling like I have nothing and no one.
Truth be told I don’t think I ever really had a life to start with. I graduated high school and started business school the fall after that where I meet my now ex-husband. It was him and I from then on. I think in the past few years I have realized there was no ME in my life and at the same time started to see how I was being treated by my then husband.
So it short, even though it seems scary. I guess it is time to pull up my big girl panties and make the hard decisions. I guess what doesn’t kill me makes me stronger.